Top Ten Signs You Might Be An Alcoholic


Alcoholism is a serious, fatal, progressive disease.

Nevertheless, humor is often encountered in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. It helps to relieve tension and uplift spirits. Here’s an example of such humor, a collection of thoughts I’ve heard in AA meetings that could be thought of as the top ten signs you might be an alcoholic:

  1. Your bar bill last month was twice your mortgage payment.
  2. You don’t understand why people have problems quitting. You do it every day, usually by midnight.
  3. You called the city recycling center to see if there are covers for your recycling bins.
  4. You’re getting more and more criticism from your spouse or lover but your real worry is making sure they don’t meet each other.
  5. You petitioned the city recycling center for more frequent pickups to reduce the 5 AM rattle that echoes through the neighborhood.
  6. You were relieved on your last business trip when you woke up to see that the person next to you in bed was of the opposite sex.
  7. You honestly believe your drinking buddies at the saloon are “mentors”.
  8. You just wore out the motor on your third trash compactor this year.
  9. You designed a white wine bulk delivery and distribution system for your home.
  10. You adopted the Anheuser-Busch shield for your family coat of arms.

I’ve now been a member of AA for over 17 years and recently wrote a story of my experience under the pen name used for this article. It’s a 200 page novel, primarily based on my personal story, but enhanced with many of the peculiarities, both funny and spiritual, found in AA meetings.

I’m not promoting AA, just trying to demystify it. There is a humorous vein to this book that I hope all, alcoholic and non-alcoholic, will enjoy.

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